It gets quiet

There are times when things get quiet. It’s a time to reflect… on things that are important, on those that help shape who we are.

I could be writing about my Michigan marathon, the Detroit Free Press Marathon, that I raced on Sunday. This is a running blog, after all. I could tell you all about the course, the aid stations, the people, how I felt from start to finish. I could give you mile by mile breakdowns of the race as it unfolded. I think in time that report will come, but right now, its not what’s important.

My grandfather had a stroke on Friday. I had just arrived to town the night before, to prepare for Sunday’s race. I spent Friday afternoon in the hospital in Monroe, holding his hand, talking to him and feeding him butterscotch pudding. His right hand was so strong, remarkably strong, and he clenched mine like he didn’t ever want to let go. It was as if he thought that if he let go, he’d fall- to where, I didn’t know. He told me stories in a slurred voice, yet the stories were clear and precise. They were stories of the Golden Gate Bridge, of watching me race in track meets, of visiting all sorts of different places. I told him I’d be running to Canada on Sunday, and he told me about the people he heard of that jumped off the Ambassador Bridge. He asked how my running friends were doing, and he was excited to hear they’d be running with me on Sunday. I left Monroe knowing, but not knowing, what was going to come next.

I raced on Sunday but something didn’t feel right. It wasn’t that I didn’t sleep well, or eat well. I didn’t feel sick or sore. My legs just didn’t want to move the way I thought they would. I considered stopping and cheering on the other athletes but I kept on. I walked a bit, I turned around to see if Adam was catching up, and I struggled through a few miles where all I wanted to do was sit on the grass and watch the other athletes go by. Adam passed me and I couldn’t go with him. I’ve never felt so tired in a race. I finished, though…

But I didn’t care about my race. I didn’t care what my time was, where I finished. The first thing I thought of when they put the medal around my neck was my grandpa. The ribbon was red-white-and-blue, something he’d have got a kick out of. I was excited to tell him about it, to put the medal in his right hand so he could feel its weight.

My grandpa didn’t get to hear about my race, though. He passed away before I started. He lived an amazing life, eighty-five years of adventures and stories. I know that no one can live forever, but I know that he’ll continue to live on in the hearts of his family and friends. I know that I am going to keep asking questions, just like he always did; I’m going to keep learning and helping and sharing, just like he always would. And sometimes, it will get quiet, and that’s ok. That’s when it is time to sit, think, and formulate new questions. Remember good stories. And reflect on the lives that have gripped our hearts.

Rest in peace, Robert Lee Rauch. 1925-2010

Advertisements

About megankillian

Assistant Professor of Biomedical Engineering at the University of Delaware. I love biomechanics!

Posted on October 23, 2010, in family. Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. Oh…I am so sorry for your loss. That must have been so difficult for you. But, I am sure you are so thankful that you got to spend some time with him before he passed away…that is a blessing that most people do not get.
    It sounds like your grandpa was a wonderful man. Hold onto the memories!

  2. I’m sorry for your loss, Megan.

    I’m sure he was watching Sunday, and was very proud.

  3. I’m very sorry for your loss.

    It sounds like he was an amazing person and has positively shaped your life.

  4. I’m sad to hear this Megan – What an awesome guy. He’ll definitely live on through you!

  5. I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. Sounds like he had an awesome life, definitely an awesome granddaughter. I’m sending an electronic hug right now. Take care yourself.

  6. So sorry to hear about this. Hugs.

  7. Wow Megan, thank you for sharing with us, and I hope you take comfort in knowing we are all here with the biggest long-distance hug you’ve ever felt. My heart goes out to you, and you and your family will definitely be in my prayers!

  8. I’m so sorry, Megan. A big hug from my direction.

  9. He was a very proud man and I have no doubt that he was right there by your side during the whole race…which may have been the reason why you were so slow. He would have said the same. I wish I could describe my feelings half as well as you had. Very nicely put. Love you.

  10. My grandpa died nearly 6 years ago and it shook my world (and still does). You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!

  11. Megan,
    Thank you for sharing this. Being his daughter and living so far away and not being able to be there during his last moments was so very painful for me. I am grateful you had the opportunity and took advantage of it to share these moments with him. My heart is heavy but your words are comforting. Thank you, Mary

  12. He never failed to take the opportunity to brag about you. He was so very proud of you.

  13. Beautiful tribute, Megan. The third paragraph was my favorite part, that last day you spent with him. Let that live on in your mind forever, and let his inquisitive nature live through you, and you’ll be fine.

  14. So glad you got to hold his hand and hear his stories one last time!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: